OK, so, the Offside Rule. Oh, do keep up. Now, the Offside Rule was presumably introduced because players in football can pass the ball forwards as well as backwards, sideways, and for all I know, up, down, and round and round in a circle as well. Since the object of the game is to get the ball over the opponents’ goal line under the bar (it is, you know) the obvious way of doing this is to position a couple of your players on the goal line, kick the ball to one of them and he can nudge it into the back of the net. Job done! 

This, however, would mean not only that the game would degenerate into a shoving match between the goalie and the players sent to hang around in his goal mouth (doubtless with optional biting), but also that the match would be over pretty quickly. This is not considered desirable, I expect because there would thus be even less excuse for the players to earn a weekly salary approximately half the GDP of a small central African state, despite the fact that this would allow fans to go out and do something their actual selves, maybe read an improving book, do some gardening or take a walk in the healthful fresh air rather than STANDING around in PUBS SWILLING beer and SHOUTING in a ROWDY MANNER and generally making life UNPLEASANT for those who just came in for a QUIET drink and a CHAT for heaven’s sake  WHY does EVERY PUB in this country CONSTANTLY show football on the tv EVEN WHEN IT ISN’T THE WORLD CUP WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH JUST TALKING TO PEOPLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DID I MISS A MEMO OR WHAT?!?!

I’m so sorry. I think I’d better have a little lie down. That was The Footballing Fact Of The Day, part 2. More tomorrow, always assuming I can normalise my blood pressure. I thank you.