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Now, it came to pass in that time when Barbara was a follower of Clarkey that he did lead her over the river, into the unknown lands of Norf Lahndun. And they did go via Chelsea and Knightsbridge unto Victoria, where they did come upon a yellow light. And Clarkey did speed through said yellow light while Barbara did stop, not wanting to be an Amber Gambler, and thus Barbara did lose sight of Clarkey. Then did she cry out in great fear, that now they were lost and would wander the streets of Norf Lahndun forever, not reaching the bright land of Serp-Entine.

But in that moment up spake Hilary, saying that she had reached an accomodation with the satnav and the bloody thing would now tell them the way or else. And it was so, and they did travel rejoicing by Buckingham Palace Road and Hyde Park Corner and Queen Elizabeth’s Gates, until they did reach a certain carpark, from whence they could see the mystical lido of Serp-Entine, shining like a bright city across the water. And they did cry aloud, saying “Bugger, we’re in the wrong carpark”.

Then did they travel even unto the right carpark, and there they fell in again with Clarkey. And Barbara did cry out to him in grief, saying that he had Abandoned Her and laying heavy imprecations upon him, that Love did not Live There Anymore. And Clarkey did deeply ponder her words and did reply as the spirit moved him, namely to ask what she was fussing about, she had found it, hadn’t she? And thus Barbara did cease to be a follower of Clarkey.

And in that place they also found Charlotte, who had left Tooting after everybody else but got there first because she is calmly competent but doesn’t go on about it, not like some I could mention. And they did join the peloton and all did bathe themselves in the waters of Serp-Entine, that they might be anointed with the holy duckshit. And Lo! grace was given to them that they might go outside the ropes and swim freely in the holy waters, even unto the furthest buoy. Blessed be the swimmers of Serp-Entine.

And in the cafe of that place they did find laid out a rich repast, that they might refresh themselves after their long journeying. And each did take and eat according to his taste, even those who said that that was never eight quid’s worth of breakfast, even if it did include healthy things like spinach and tomatoes. And all were greatly nourished, that they might continue on their journey before the parking tickets ran out.

Then did they travel North and ever Northwards, by places strange to them, such as Camden Town and Kentish Town and similar, which are not towns really, it’s just a sort of North London affectation, they’re really just areas of London. And in the fullness of time they did arrive at the place which is called Parliament Hill Lido, and on saying the words of grace, which are not to be divulged to nonbelievers but may not be a million miles away from “South London Swimming Club”, they did gain access for only £2 each, bargain. And it was good.

And then did the gods of conscience come upon the writer, saying that she was nearly at the office and it was time to start thinking about work, and thus it is decreed that there shall be More Tomorrow. Here endeth the second part of the Lido Crawl.